greatful

Things upon which I bestow thanks:

my husband's hug after the first snooze button hit
my son's laugh when it gets out of control and he can't stop
pop-tarts
Hugh Jackman
the Ting-Tings, Mates of State, Jack Johnson, Lisa Loeb's kid's music
crayons
sarah connor chronicles
Randy getting voted out on Survivor
a president who inspires
Wall-E
Costa Rica
Paul Rudd
christmas lights
cinnamon hazelnut coffee
having a job
the day after thanksgiving when all the work is done and you can just relax
locoroco
the steps of the Lincoln Memorial

Fish Murder

I've been setting up a tropical fish tank and along the way I've learned some valuable lessons.

Do not put Gourami and little tetras in the same tank. In the space of a day and a half all five of my cute little guys have disappeared. I'm now looking at this large silvery murderer happily swimming around my beautiful tank. I've never wished death upon a fish before but now I'm rethinking my fish position.

Mom, I've got something to tell you

beep beep

Long-distance message

Haven't been feeling too bloggy of late. With the final nail going in the coffin of the Vietnam adoptions, it's left me a bit bereft? bereaved? bewitched?

This blah will no doubt go away once the holidays start kicking in. It appears that we will be remaining a trio. This is good and bad. I'm still processing all the ramifications.

So, something will return at a later date. Perhaps it will be a much fluffier content to keep myself out of the doldrums.

Much peace to you and yours

Remember to vote!

Obamanos!

Action Alert!

Been busy at work and home but wanted to remind everyone to get out there and support Barack!

If you have the time, volunteer.

If you have the money, donate.

and above all VOTE! The stakes couldn't be higher, our economy, our lives, our future at stake.

Barack the vote!

Ta

going on vacation my friends, be back in a week or so! I'll have a drink for all of you.

The most important meal of the day

Most days I have cereal for breakfast here at work so I pick up my bowl and look at the bottom and think hmm that's curious it looks like honey. So I dip my finger in and taste it. Gak! What is that? It tastes kind of bitter so what do I do? I think I'll just swallow (no jokes plz). HOLY MOTHER it freakin burns! Then I realize it's dishwashing soap that I put in the bowl but forget to wash out yesterday afternoon.

Now I've got this chemical burn in my throat that is wafting up into my nostrils. This is a foul, foul taste and smell. I get up to go to the bathroom and then a wave of nausea hits me. I look around quickly weighing my vomiting options, trash can seems like the idea. I start to retch but fortunately nothing comes up. I cough/stagger to the bathroom and start sucking in water and spitting it out and gargling trying to get this taste out of my mouth.

So, now I sit here with what feels like a burn in the back of my throat, constantly having to clear throat and swallowing....

and I've got a headache. Fortunately the office is mostly empty now and I'll pretend like nothing happened.

How was your morning?

We've been trying to teach the E-man different ways to express himself when he gets frustrated. Our current favorite is for him to hold one hand up and say "Aye Carumba!" It hasn't exactly worked yet but it's fun watching him practice "Aye Carumba!"

Also I've been working on laser beam eyes where we squint and then blast each other a la Cyclops.

This is also the point where I wonder if households with moms do these sorts of things.

Hello, hello dear little blog. So sorry you've been neglected but I have been thinking about you. Sadly I've been wrapped in not much but reality TV.... So You Think You Can Dance, Project Runway, I'm even brave enough to admit.... I Survived a Japanese Game Show. / hangs head in shame for penance

Summer is ending, the vegetables are growing, the boy is dancing and the flowers are blooming.

Life is good.

mwah

Swing Swang Swung

Last weekend, I was at a playground with E and there were 3 girls playing, I think they said their ages were 5, 6, and 8 and no parent was around. E was in the bucket swing and the 5 year old asked the 6 year old to put her in the other bucket swing (keep in mind, she's a big five like a littel Jennifer Hudson and I was a bit worried about whole idea.) Five did the swing thing for a while and then asked me to get her out. Eh, I thought ok, the whole situation was a bit odd but alright. I grab her under her arms and puuuuuuuulll. She's stuck. Her thighs won't come out of the leg openings. I pull again telling her you need to hold the swing. She's doing the kid thing of going sort of limp which is the opposite of helpful when removing a small adult from a child swing. At this point, I'm like "why are you in this baby swing? You really need to reconsider this next time."

After four tries of yanking on her, the 8yo runs over to get the mother..... who has been sitting in her car eating all this time just watching me stretch her daughter. As she strolls over five immediately begins to lie. "6yo wanted to put me in the swing but I didn't want to go." I pick up E and quickly leave the scene of the crime.

What goes up, must come down

This is my blog post to say that I don't have anything to blog. Fascinating, no?

The whole vietnam thing is a giant hot mess. It's up, it's down, it's up, it's down. I hope, I despair and scour sites for fresh news. I've even contacted different agencies to see if they can please take me. I'm clean and reasonably happy. I'd make a great dad. Honest. I have a reference.

Every time I think I've processed it and moved on there will be a little glimmer of hope.

On the bright side if it doesn't work out our financial picture will be lookin up and yes I will buy my way into happiness.

Bugaboo Bangaa

So, I'm in the car the other day getting my groove on to Duffy's Warwick Avenue and singing

"I’m leaving you for the last time baby
You think you’re loving,
But you don’t love me"


and then I hear from the backseat "Daddy, you don't love me." So then I have to go into this detailed explanation about how this is just a song and it doesn't mean anything and that I'll always love him. Problem is you can't make it too big of a deal even though it zinged right through my heart.

Gah! I forgot about the little tape recorder. I can't listen to kid's music all the time. E's developed quite the repetoire, he likes Duffy, the Ting Tings, M.I.A... which is a problem. I've learned not to tell him the name of some songs because then he'll hound me into submission. He adores Duffy's "Mercy" and the Ting Tings' "DJ" song. M.I.A. is great fun but just try sussing out the bad words, it's enough to give you a M.I.A.graine. Also the questions are fun, "Daddy, what's a bamboo bangaa?" "Someone who hits bamboo!"

The next day we're playing in the yard and E's whacking away at a tree saying "I'm a bamboo bangaa!"

Ideas for McCain's next speech:

"My Favorite Talkies!"

"Fuel-efficiency standards for Trolley Cars"

"I take the blue pills on Wednesdays"

"Indecent Bloomers"

and finally

"Get Off My Lawn"

Don't touch anything!

The scene: average dirty public restroom
The objective: use the restroom with three-year-old
The dialogue:

"Don't touch that!"

"Why?"

"Because it's dirty."

"Why?"

"Because lots of people use this bathroom and not everybody washes their hands. Don't look under there!"

"Echo! Echoooooo! EEEECHHHHOOOOOOOOO"

"E, can you be quiet please."

"Why?"

"Because you're being really loud."

"What's this?"

"Oh my god! I don't know, give me one second and don't put your thumb in your mouth."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what you just picked up."

"What's he doing?" / looking under stall divider

"He's p eeing."

"I wanna see."

"The man wants privacy."

"What's he doing?"

"He's p eeing."

"No, he's p ooping."

"Whatever. Just leave him alone."

"Why?"

"I said DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING and stop looking under the wall."

"Hello!"

"E Stop it!"

/ mad dash to wash hands and get out of bathroom before we're seen

Sneezey

So, you're suffering from allergies and the pollens are attacking your respiratory system every day, every hour, what feels like every minute. How could it be worse?

I'll tell ya. You pull a muscle on a particularly violent sneeze and now every time you sneeze it feels like someone is poking you in the side with a screwdriver. Hooray! We're experiencing a big rainstorm now that will hopefully clear the air out. I'm trying Claritin now to see if it will have some effect on my sneezing spasms.

........

Call me crazy but I'm thinking that we might wait Vietnam out to see if some miracle might happen. The chances are miniscule but there is a chance. In some ways it's easier to delay making a decision too. Maybe the universe will provide, maybe it won't.

All the love that you long for eludes you

It's been a strange week. I found myself in mourning, feeling like I'd lost a child. It's completely irrational I know but it was like a slam in the chest. Why do things have to be sooo difficult sometimes? My mind is weary from thinking about the options, and the countries, and the laws, and the finances. How bizarre that surrogacy seems like an easy choice now. My ipod randomly offers up Kirsty MacColl's "You Just haven't Earned it Yet Baby."

You just havent earned it yet, baby
You just havent earned it, son
You just havent earned it yet, baby
You must suffer and cry for a longer time

and it's oddly comforting. I can move past this and start anew. Hope glimmers a bit, there is backchannel talk about a possible renegotiation but I'm cautious. I have a fabulous life now, a wonderful partner and an amazing son who will be turning 3 this weekend and this is where I'm needed in the here and now.

The cake is ordered and I've bought the party supplies, the guests (all of them) have all said they're coming. I'm leaving work early today to take the cupcakes into school to have a little party and then we celebrate again with friends and family.

I will stop and look around and take in all the love and joy that a noisy fun house can entail.

Happy Birthday my little man!

Normally I'd post an update here, but it's too much right now. Sometimes you hear news that just flips your world:

From the US Embassy in Hanoi:

On April 25, the Government of Vietnam announced that it will allow adoption to be completed in cases where prospective adoptive parents have been matched with a child and received an official referral prior to September 1, 2008. It further stated that in accordance with Vietnamese law, the DIA will suspend the acceptance of new dossiers on July 1, 2008. On September 1, 2008 any dossier that has not received a referral will be closed and returned to the Adoption Service Provider. In view of the processing time required in Vietnam from placement to the Giving and Receiving Ceremony, an adoption process begun now cannot be completed before the current Agreement expires.

That's it. That's all it takes. Sometimes words can hit you physically, like a punch in the chest...

never everland

I sometimes read a discussion group with people who are considering parenthood. It's an interesting window back into a time I can scarcely connect with any more. My life seems split into two pieces now: one with child and one long ago.

One of the most striking things about the pre- or maybe not at all parents is how they speak in absolutes. "I'll never take my child to Disneyland." or "I can never give up my reading time."

I grin and chuckle to myself. How strange to be so sure of anything. What I've learned from being in a relationship for near 10 years now and having this little adorable id come into my life is that nothing is concrete. Even something as simple as food preferences are fluid. You don't like broccoli today but in a month maybe so! I'll never buy Disney products and then there I am with a set of Mickey Mouse underwear because I can't deny that big grin. Here I am kicking a soccer ball and looking up leagues for the summer. I hate sports.

It's liberating though. We can box ourselves in with these conditions and once you let go you realize just how much fun you can have with a couple puppets on a rainy afternoon.

reality bites

So, was that the most shocking American Idol result ever or what? I'll miss Michael Johns. He may be the best singer they've ever had on the show. I've already downloaded several of his singles and they're all fantastic. So, I'll be waiting for his album, it will be fabulous as well.


and for those of you who are Dancing with the Stars fans I leave you with this clip:

Whistle while you wurk

I'm coding! I've decided to input all my error messages that will appear in the fuuutuuuure in all caps because the whole upper case, lower case things takes waaay too many keystrokes.

Now all my error messages will be all SHOUTY! First time I get one I'll be like whoa, what's with the yelling and then I'll remember and be like oh yeah, I was lazy.