Friday, August 31, 2007

All the boys say...

I don’t remember playing No Doubt’s Hey Baby to E but somehow it’s become stuck in his wonderful jangly head. At odd moments he’ll start singing “Hey Baby! Hey Baby! Hey! Girls say, Hey Baby! Hey Baby! Hey!” It’s hysterical. Fortunately he stops at the chorus.

I still can’t remember saying it. Perhaps I sing it without knowledge and like my oy’s and dude’s he’s picked it up there.

Could be worse, I have been known to sing a Missy Elliot now and then.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Miles to go

Well we have the extra seat in this family car and now we just have to figure out which road to take and we'll find our little one waiting out there somewhere. Like E says all the time now, "What happened?" he or she will say. The stars seem to be pointing us to Vietnam.

I’d gathered information on V in the past so I have some familiarity with the country and process but the reality of it and logistics are another matter. I’m continuing getting my homestudy ready. The urgency is gone now as I look around at what the new requirements are and wrap my head around this sudden jolt.

The new job is going well. I’m trying to stay focused while here and not let all the little stressors seep in.

We said goodbye to E’s old school. It was a touching and surreal experience, kind of E’s first graduation. He was oblivious to the whole situation and couldn’t understand why I was having him hug all his teachers. I’d hand him over and he’d immediately want to come back to me.

I get a bit paranoid during the referral and placement process so who knows… this blog may disappear at some point. I wish I could make it password protected for a bit.

Details to follow. It feels like someone has thrown our map out the window but we’ll the car back on the right road. E says he needs to go potty so time to pull over. We’ll catch up with you all later.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

A door closes

I should be packing right now. I should be taking the pictures off the wall and stowing them. I should be purging paper and folders but I can't focus on even such a simple task.

You want to believe that there's a plan and that the universe is guiding you along to some goal. When I look in E's eyes I believe we were destined. Then and now I got the paperwork ready. Clearances and evaluations fly across towns and get stamps of gold seal and ribbons of officialdom. Each delay meant the celestial clock ticked closer to the appointed hour. Now, I fly through the papers, no hitches. Everything runs smooth and efficiently. We approach that magical referral moment and tragedy strikes.

The agency is raided. Fourty-six children are confiscated like illegal drugs. Fourty-six children linked forever to families across the globe. That could have been me. That could have been my child. My heart aches and I feel lucky and guilty. The bureaucracy frightens me as it never had before. Politicians are cracking down they say. What is the truth? The description of the orphanage sounds nothing like the happy, clean place that I visited. None of it makes sense to me.

I pray for the children and the day the families will be reuinted. Guatemala is a beautiful and dangerous place.

It will be a long time before I go back and I wonder if I'll ever tell E about any of this. I suspect I won't tell him much at all.

Time to pack.

Monday, August 13, 2007

May you live in interesting times

It’s been an unusually turbulent time. You have to accept and embrace a certain amount of risk or things simply stagnate. So in our house we see a number of changes. E is starting his new school in 2 weeks and the preparation and planning is reaching a crescendo. There’ve been visits and playdates and meetings, all necessary but adding to the chaos. He really likes the school and I’m happy to meet the children he’ll be spending his days with and the families we’ll be getting to know.

Meanwhile, I decided to take a temp position in my agency. Hopefully this will work out to be a positive change. My current office has been doing the paper cut torture test where little annoyances upon little annoyances grow and grow. It’s left me drained and grouchy. I think this will be a good move for me with lots of potential.

Meanwhile, meanwhile…. We decided to pursue another adoption. There was much debate and angst but we decided that time was running out and we hoped Indiana Jones style to slip under the stone wall before Guatemala closes. Things were proceeding well, as we applyied our knowledge from last go around and then BLAM! our agency was raided over the weekend. There were charges (unfounded in my opionion) that illegal adoption were taking place. My confidence was shattered and the reality of the current politics hit me hard. I’m left shaken and worried about how to proceed. There should be a way around this but I’m not seeing it at the moment.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Bedknobs and Boo-hoo

So we finished painting E’s room. It’s a lovely shade of light blue on 3 walls and deep dark blue on the other. (It’s funny that we’d resisted the stereotypical blue for so long and now we’re embracing it.)

More important than the color though was the brand new twin bed! We built up the Big Boy Bed! We had a parade to the Big Boy Bed! There was much rejoicing over the Big Boy Bed!… and then bedtime and chaos. He hated the bed. He wanted to get up. He wanted anything except being in that bed.

I felt so guilty, like I was trying to push him to grow up when really this is a very fun age. When he’s this small everything looks adorable and to hear these big words tumbling out of mouth is just amazing.


A couple nights have passed and from the initial hour and a half to get to bed we’re now back to the 30-minute wind down.

Last night, he told me “Daddy, get in big boy bed.”
I told him “Ok, but just for a few minutes.”

We lay there quiet for a few minutes, E with his eyes closed. He lifted his head, looked at me, grinned real big and then put his head back on the pillow. That earned him another ten minutes with me next to him. After the ten minutes, I rubbed his back and said goodnight. He didn’t stir as I snuck out of the room.