Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Is he adopted?

It seems on average about once a week that someone asks me if my son is adopted. You see my partner is Hispanic and my son is very obviously Hispanic as well. Consequently, he never gets the question when we’re out and about and he’s holding E.

If I’m in the grocery store, restaurant, park, wherever, I get the question “Is he adopted?” Friends also tell me how much E and my partner look alike. At a rational level all this makes perfect sense but to be honest, it bugs me.

Having a child, especially adopted it seems, put your life out there in ways I hadn’t anticipated. E is loud, messy, friendly, and fearless. Dining out usually involves meeting half the people in the restaurant.

I wonder if a straight couple would get the adopted question as often. Hmmm.


Steve S said...

I don't know if it's common for straight people to be asked that, probably not, but when people ask, is it because they've figured out you are a same-sex family? I think the curiousity then would be natural, we are a new concept to a lot of people.

People don't ask me if Kristin's adopted, they will make some comment though assuming that she is. At first I would always explain it's a surrogacy but now I let it go, or just say I'm the biological father but don't bother explaining further. I don't think they mean harm by it, but they don't know all the ways we can create families. I think adoption is probably the most common.

I would say try to not let it bug you, only because I don't think it's going to stop, until the children are older.

The Brian said...

Yeah, I know it's my issue and I'm trying to work through it. It's kind of compounded by friends telling me how much my son and my partner look alike and only I get the "adopted" question. Sometimes it's cute like when this 8-year-old boy at the park asked me.