As I was passing through Union Station yesterday I bumped into an ex-boyfriend, M, on his way to lunch. I see this guy every couple years so we usually have to catch up on big life changes. Last time we spoke L and I were talking about having kids but hadn’t quite moved ahead yet. Both of us had moved out to Maryland, one of us had started a family. Upon hearing the news he was quick to tell me that he did not want kids.
I’ve found the kid gene to be one of the strongest traits. Very rarely do I hear a vague interest from someone. The funny thing is when people tell me they don’t want to have kids the response ranges between accusatory and apologetic. As much as I’d like gay people to have more kids because it would make my life easier and lord knows the world needs more tolerant people, I’m really not recruiting.
Pre-boo I used to get that question a lot, why do you want to have kids. Heck, I’ve been psychologically evaluated on the subject. The answer… I’ve always wanted kids. It was always in my life plan. I buried it for a while as went through the coming out process and readjusted my goals as I stumbled through some gawdawful relationships. How could I take care of someone else if I couldn’t even take care of myself? So I set up some broad parameters before I would consider the kid subject. Fast forward some 15 years and what do you know?
It seems so long ago when I dated M. Hell it seems like another person that dated M. Now, it’s like my life is split in two. There is the time before and there is now filled with laughs, games, hugs, and lots of love. What will happen next in our little family? I have no clue, but I can’t wait to find out.
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5 comments:
Union Station was where I had my first experience of a man hitting on me. I was 15, looked older, and he worked at a Bennetton. He asked me out to DuPont. I was traumatized because I didn't think anyone knew I was gay. LOL Now I know shopping at Benetton was the first clue.
We've had more negative reactions about having a child from the gay community than the straight. They just can't understand how we would give up the "lifestyle".
One day I hope to create a family through adoption, too. It warms my heart to read about your experiences and feelings about the little family you are loving into being. To date, I haven't met a gay man who wants this experience. The reaction I usually receive when I share my hopes, ranges from "I hate kids" to "no way I want kids interfering in my lifestyle" ...
Yeah, what Cooper and Bacchus said. I usually am met with hostility from most of the gays out there. They don't see it as being hostile, but on my end, there's no mistaking it. You only have one so far, try having four! "Our Kind" are convinced we are crazy. Why do gay people seem to have such an abhorrance toward children? My guess has always been that it is closely tied in with the selfishness that runs rampant in gay culture. It really is a very "ME" oriented lifestyle when you really think about it. Kinda sad...it's that "perpetual adolescence" thing rearing it's ugly head again.
I know this may sound silly, but I've always kind of viewed gay people as being God's idea of population control. Makes sense that the majority of us would not want to reproduce or have children. That isn't to say that I don't want a child, because I do.
Yeah, I get what everyone is saying. It is a unique "choice" that some may never understand.
I wonder if some of the negative reaction is from gay people who have convinced themselves that they can never have children so they have to negativize is.
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